Yellow

 

When he was 10 years old, all the traumatic experiences in his life began. Before turning 10, he used to fight with everyone over small things. One day, while cooking dinner at home and waiting for his mother to return, he saw their neighbor’s brother carrying a woman. He and his brother thought someone had fainted and went to see. For the first time, he saw his mother having a seizure, and the neighbor’s brother had brought her home. He believes that was the particular moment he lost himself as a child. His mother never opened her eyes for months. Coming from the rural region of Jumla, with limited access to healthcare and education, they struggled. After months, their father arrived, and the entire village decided to carry his mother to the headquarters of Jumla for a checkup.

He doesn’t remember much, but his grandmother told him that he cried almost continuously for three days. Even now, his eyes well up remembering that moment when he cried with his father. He thinks that was when he first experienced trauma. There were many more traumatic events caused by his father that he cannot put into words. Seven months later, they migrated to the Terai region of Nepal, in Banke District. As his mother developed many illnesses, she had to go to India for treatment. Since they didn’t have a phone at the time, he had to take care of his brother and sister. Even now, his eyes fill with tears remembering those days. He and his siblings would think every day that their mother would return, and they would go to the main road to wait for her. They used to count 50 buses, believing that if 50 buses passed, their mother wouldn’t come that day.

He and his siblings had some money but didn’t know how to buy proper food. They bought green logs, not realizing they couldn’t cook with them. They had enough money but not enough food to fill their stomachs. Being young, they didn’t know any better. They would cook food one day and eat the same food for days. They often ate other things they bought from the shop. Sometimes, when ceremonies were held near the main road, they would go there after deciding their mother wasn’t coming that day (once 50 buses had passed). They would stand in line for food and then return home. Since they could only afford one big bed, the three of them slept together on it.

After some time, they accepted that their mother wouldn’t be coming back for a long time. They used to study at Beliber English Boarding School. After school, he and his siblings would go to a sunflower garden. They would watch the sunflowers and remember their mother’s hugs and love, and then they would cry together. Even now, his eyes fill with tears remembering those days. Days and months passed, and the sunflowers became their private space, reminding them of their mother’s love. After 13 months, their mother finally returned. They were so happy that they ran behind the rickshaw. He still remembers the first thing he asked his mother: not about her health, but, “Mom, will you cook for us today?”

Life went on, and he and his siblings learned to solve their problems on their own. They never shared their hardships and obstacles with their mother. To this day, he loves sunflowers and his mother so much. 🌻🌻🌻

                                                                                       @ = Dharma Acharya